Dear Marie, I appreciate that you’ve made steps forward with this draft of you
Dear Marie, I appreciate that you've made steps forward with this draft of your introduction. There is the strange repetition of the same sentences and this makes the introduction difficult to read. I have made numerous suggestions that I hope will, after you clean this up, make it easier for you to begin to write. Ultimately, you will you need to write a clear argument for the paper. I don't find this quite yet, as I mention in my comment, but I think you have enough to begin writing about a) racialized policing, b) effects on Af-Am youth and c) how young activists have made some inroads into positive changes against police brutality. That is the promise that your paper makes in the first paragraph. You need to keep a clear. In this writing-intensive seminar, the research paper represents the culminating writing project for the Senior Seminar in Childhood Studies. The general topic is "youth activism." There are many directions in which this broad topic can go: historically, globally, issues-based, individuals-based, etc. etc. We will build toward this culminating writing project throughout the semester through workshops, exercises, and collaboration. You will be supported along the way and will help each other, too, through sharing ideas and peer review. Keep in mind the basic requirements for the paper: Topic: youth activism, broadly conceived Page length: minimum of 10 numbered pages (exclusive of notes and bibliography or Works Cited), double-spaced, in 12-pt font Title: properly punctuated (no italics or underline unless you are quoting a published title within your research paper title) Sources: minimum of 8 appropriate sources (at least five of the sources must be scholarly), Citation style: bibliography or Works Cited entries in a consistent and correct form (APA, MLA or Chicago format) ar organization of the paper in mind. Even before the repetition of exact sentences there is a kind of start and then start again nature to the draft. First you need to set up the general problem, then turn to the importance of youth activists in fighting against racialized police brutality. Your thesis goes next. After that, I think you could write a paragraph about the history of youth activism that predates BLM. After that you could focus on some recent examples of over-policing and brutality against Black people that help to spur youth action and finally the last section of your paper will deal with the changes that have been made. In terms of your sources, Ross, Kirby and Franklin (which appear within your introduction) are not in your list of sources. Anything you quote or refer to within the body of the paper must appear in the list of works cited or bibliography.

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