Hello, these are the comments my professor left me I had help with someone but c
Hello, these are the comments my professor left me I had help with someone but clearly, it wasn't well done and I don't want to get a bad grade on my final paper so please follow the instructions and comments on what she said on the paper needs fixing on. Also, use scholarly sources only from the ( United States ). Also, the new title is (Privilege) This should be 10 pages (no, the title page and works cited pages don't count). No errors. Proper citations. Clearly written. Professor comments Missing citations. If something is not your opinion but is not a well-known fact (such as – George Washington was the first President of the US), it needs to be cited. This is lacking in citations. Example: “The higher enrollment rate for women results from the continuous fight for women's rights and against women's discrimination by various women organizations such as the UN Women, the National Council of Negro Women, and the National Organization for Women.” Is that your opinion? Is that from a scholarly source? Impossible to tell. This is EXTREMELY prevalent in this paper and it’s concerning. It needs to be corrected. I also think you are misunderstanding privilege somewhat. Women no longer being charged more for healthcare is not a privilege. They’re now being charged equally to men – not receiving a benefit. Women now attending university in equal numbers or higher numbers isn’t a privilege. It’s not because of their gender. Women being viewed as weak and therefore unfit for combat isn’t a privilege. The whole section on women does not really display a strong understanding of the concept of privilege. Privilege would be something like men are freer to take night classes or work later shifts because they have less fear of being attacked if walking alone at night. This opens more opportunities for them. The paper is also very contradictory. You say women are privileged by not being the breadwinner…then men are privileged because they ARE the breadwinner. Which one is it? Also, your sources are concerning. It seems as though you are taking data from the Middle East and Pakistan (plus, possibly Denmark based on the other journal-title) and trying to apply it to the United States. My biggest concerns are your understanding of the concept of privilege, your sources not fully fitting what you are talking about, and your lack of citations making it impossible to tell what is your opinion and what you got from a source. Your writing, which is sometimes very unclear, Is contributing to this issue. You received a high grade because this is a draft, but if these problems persist in the final draft, you will not receive a high grade.

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